The Epic Battle
by Noirink
Summary: Edward and Father are about to end the battle with an epic ending, but Hohenheim has to go about and ruin it. Find out exactly what he does to ruin it for his son and duplicate. Spoilers for 104-106, sort of. Disclaimer: I don't own FMA


**Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist.**

**A/N: Okay, this is a random oneshot. The explanation to this story: A friend of mine and I were talking about this one thing (won't state what that one thing is, it'll give away the story before you read it) and I thought of this idea. In my opinion, I thought it was very funny. Anyway, please read and review and I hope you enjoy the story.**

**WARNING: _Contains spoilers for chapters 104-106 indirectly. However, it's almost like a thing that might happen in the story, not necassarily something's that's an actual chapter, but you know what I mean. _**

---

Punches and blasts of fire flew through the air. The feeling of alchemic energy floated throughout the area of battle. A young boy and a man, no older than twenty, stood at a stand-off. "You little runt, why don't you just give up?" the older man taunted.

"Because, if I do that, you'll steal the souls of everyone I care about," the younger countered angrily, charging toward his opponent. "And I can't let you get away with such a thing!"The boy, Edward Elric, transmuted his auto-mail into a small dagger as he raced toward, Homunculus, the older man.

"Hmph, you've got guts, kid. But you lack the will to kill," Homunculus sneered as he, himself, created a blade. Now, both of the men were storming toward each other. Everyone on the sidelines just gawked in pure horror and amazement.

"There's got to be a way to stop those two!" Izumi hollered at Alphonse. The dark-haired woman was afraid that Edward wouldn't make it out of the face-off. She knew all too well, that sometimes, the hero didn't always come home in the end.

Thinking the same thing, Alphonse retorted, "I know, but how?"

Hohenheim chimed in, "I got an idea!"

"Oh yeah, what?" Al and Izumi inquired in unison.

"Just watch," the bearded-man stated. As the two enemies were about to impale each other, Hohenheim came out with a lobster in his hand, a Paul Revere hat on, and riding on a toy horse. The two blondes stopped mid-stab and stood agape.

"THE BRITISH ARE COMING! THE BRITISH ARE COMING!" Hohenheim shouted with a grin on his face.

"The _who_ are coming?" Homunculus questioned with a severely perplexed expression on his pale face.

"The British," Hohenheim replied triumphantly.

"Who are the British? And what's with the lobster?" Edward queried.

"Uh, I don't know I just heard it somewhere," the father answered, still having a slap-happy smile on his face.

"And you decided to do this _why_?" Homunculus asked, annoyed.

"To stop you two from killing each other," Hohenheim retorted. On the sidelines, Izumi and Alphonse had a "duh" expression on their faces.

"Did he just do what I think he just did?" Izumi inquired to Alphonse.

"Yeah, Dad came out with funky hat on, a lobster in hand, and riding on a toy horse," Al replied. "And now that homunculus guy and Brother are looking at him like he's gone insane."

"I think he has, Al," Izumi pointed out. Roy, however, didn't get to see the crazy performance (cause he was blind), but he certainly heard Hohenheim's voice, that was for sure.

"Did Hohenheim just yell out 'THE BRITISH ARE COMING! THE BRITISH ARE COMING!'?" the dark-haired man queried quizzically.

In unison, Izumi and Al said, "Uh-huh."

"Holy crap, why?" Roy inquired, shocked.

"Well, we were trying to come up with a way to stop Homunculus and Edward from killing each other. Hohenheim over there said he had a plan; and that was his master plan," Izumi answered.

"To yell out something stupid?" Roy asked.

"Yep," Al stated. Back with Homunculus, Hohenheim, and Edward, the two younger blondes were nagging at Hohenheim on how stupid his actions were.

"Old man, how could you ruin such an epic moment?!" Ed griped.

"Yeah, what you're son said! Have I taught you nothing on common sense?!" Hohenheim's duplicate shouted.

"Hey, hey, calm down. I was just trying to save my own son, sheesh," Hohenheim rationalized.

"Uh-huh, '_save_'," Ed stated, putting quotes on the world "save". There was a small pause and then Hohenheim asked a question.

"Hey, Homunculus, who or what are the British?"

"I don't know!" the handsome man countered irritated.

"How can you not know? You are the 'all-knowing-being', you should know!" Hohenheim hollered.

"Well, I don't so shut your trap!" Homunculus retorted, looking away in embarrassment. The trio quarreled endlessly about the British, and the lobster, and the Paul Revere hat. It was quite an "epic" battle.

Finally, the real battle continued between Ed and Homunculus. Unfortunately, Hohenheim had to go off and do something dumb again. He did the same performance with the same hat, but different object in hand and phrase. "Ah geez, not again!" Homunculus griped, pausing his sword which was near Ed's throat.

"Tell me about it! And you know what's worse, I'm related to him!" Ed concurred.

Hohenehim shouted out, "THE HOMUNCULI ARE COMING! THE HOMUNCULI ARE COMING!" Envy, in his shriveled state, was in his hand.

"PUT ME DOWN YOU OLD…!" Envy began. At that time, Homunculus and Ed just did face-palms.

"Okay, I got an idea," Ed stated.

"What?" Homunculus queried.

"Let make a truce and then go after the old man, whaddya say?" the teen answered with a smirk on his face.

"Truce," Homunculus stated, shaking the other blondes hand. Soon, the two were running toward Hohenheim who was running away down a corridor.

THE END


End file.
